DKsGirl

It is with a heavy heart that I write this last post to you all. I hate money! I hate money! I hate money! We have lost everything except our love for each other.  My husbands hours were cut so we just broke $1000 last month. We had two payments left on out car and now it’s gone so really there’s no income because he can’t go to work anymore. We can’t pay the rent for June so I don’t know what to say about that. I’m glad school let out last week. I have yet to find a job and we had to send the children to my in-laws for the summer. Then I had to listen to my mother-in-law tell my husband and I what bad parents we and they may enroll the children in houston schools next year. That didn’t help my emotions at all. I’m at the library writing this since there is no power in my house. We gave away our pets to trusted people and I sit in a house with no electricity enduring this wonderful Oklahoma summer. I can’t cry anymore. I didn’t think that was actually possible. I’m tired of hearing “we’ll call you” from potential employers.

Don’t say to me god will not let you suffer, because I don’t believe it anymore. For ten years we have scraped by with no light at the end of the tunnel, NONE. We’re both forty with no savings and no retirement. We always gave wholeheartedly to the church but that ended last month.

I guess I’m just crying out because I’ve held it in for so long. Good-bye my buddies, my friends. Reading your posts helped through, but I can’t anymore.

Love to all of you,

Elizabeth

Yesterday I ate 6 Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream Bars!! It really scared me because I was watching TV and didn’t bother to notice how many I’d eaten. I know they shouldn’t have been in the fist place. Randomly church members stop by and give us a bag or two of groceries. The church we attend now has such wonderful people and I love going there!

I haven’t exercised since the first of the year. I got on the scale and it said 256! The pounds come back on so fast when you stop exercising. During Thanksgiving and Christmas I only gained one pound. After that I just stopped. I turned off the TV and cried for about an hour and prayed for peace. I’m finally pulling myself up and walked the two miles that I usually walked. It took me 75 minutes to make the round trip. I literally fell on the couch and slept for two hours. It felt like the first time all over again. I’m still going to get up and walk tomorrow! Next Friday I’m going to add the Bowflex and then a week later, the Pilates. I want to be 50 pounds lighter by my birthday in October. My initial goal was higher, but I’m ok with changing it. I’ve considered making my own obstacle course out of the new playground in our neighborhood. It takes up about 1/4 of an acre. It’s got all sorts of items to climb on and run around. Maybe do it two or three times a week and walk the river trail the other days.

I’ve been struggling a lot with our money issues. Sometimes we have to sacrifice some quality for the quantity. Having a teenage son makes serving sizes seem useless! There are some days he eats everything in sight. As of late there is more month than money. I’m sure alot of people know the feeling. I taken to making as much as I can from scratch. Gotten pretty good at making wheat bread, mayonnaise, and mustard. We also garden much more than before thanks to 2 greenhouses I fashioned out of old wood and bits of plastic sheeting from when our church repainted it’s interior. Some other church members gave us 12 chickens to raise for eggs and later meat. Also I found the site Hillybilly Housewife, I love it for all the recipes and ideas it has.  I’ve discovered the art of couponing as well. The last month I’ve managed to save an average of $50 - $75 with coupons per shopping trip. Sometimes the kids get tired of the same thing for two weeks and I have to get creative in cooking the same kind of meat or box meals.

Sorry for babbling so long. I don’t get on the computer often as my oldest uses it for home schooling (and games!). So glad he’s going back for high school next year! The house will be empty and I can concentrate even more on exercising! Yippe!!

Thanks for listening and being my buddies! Love and blessing to you all!!!!!

Elizabeth

We’re having rain/sleet mix. Schools are closed and it should be snowing tomorrow. I love this kind of weather, but it makes it hard to go walking. I miss exercising and feel down.

I had a soda yesterday at a reception for the first time in over a year. It tasted horrible at first, but was heaven by the time I was finished. I’ve had 5 between yesterday and today. I feel gross and bloated. I’m having a hard time not getting another one. I feel like such a failure!! I’m afraid to get on the scale!! I won’t give up, but it’s sucks going through the depression stage. I feel better now, but not having another soda will be hard.  Thanks for listening friends.

Elizabeth 

Well  I finally posted a picture of me. I hate the photo because it highlights all my bad points. Anyway exercise had gone out the window this month. I just haven’t felt like month. I’m not sure why. I’m not going to quit, I guess I just need a break. I’m still eating well and walking the kids to school and back, so I guess exercise is not totally out the window.

My son has an audition on Saturday with The Disney Channel. He’s really excited to get to do it. I’m proud of him so much!!

Love and blessing to all of you,

Elizabeth

Well I survived Thanksgiving and Christmas!! Received a lot of wonderful gifts from my hubby. I’m a loyal Trekkie and so he got me several items from E-bay.

Good news, I only gained 1 pound. Not bad for only exercising every other day or so and not watching too carefully what I ate. I’m ok with that and not upset in the least. I would have given up a year or so ago and eaten until I was sick. NOT ANY MORE!! It feels so good to be free of that mindset.

Had 7 inches of snow here in Oklahoma on Christmas Eve. It was awesome and so beautiful! We moved to Oklahoma from Houston, Texas in 2000. This is only the 3rd time we’ve had a white Christmas since then. I do love the snow!!

Anyway ya’ll have a great New Year and hope to hear from all of you soon!!!!

I’ve been checking in everyday, just haven’t been inspired to write.

Exercise is on the back burner this week because I had to drop this semester. The transmission on my car decided to quit and it’s after the deadline to drop so I will receive all F’s!! That has really hit me hard and left me in a state of depresion and frustration. I’m considering my second idea I had 10 years ago. I was going to go to beauty college and open my own salon. That seems easier at this point, but not exactly. My four year old goes to half day Pre-K and I homeschool. The classes are from 9-3 M-F. I will have to wait until next school year when he’s in full day Kindergarten and oldest (14) starts 9th grade.

Writing about it has bummed me out and I’m going to walk alond the River Trail near my home. So far that’s what keeps me from going out of my mind and eating anything and everything in sight.

I know I’ll get over this, I always do because my dad (retired Navy man) raised all four of us to never quit no matter what!! I get angry and hurt, cry a little and pull myself up and get on with it!!

My love to all of you!!

E

I LOST ANOTHER POUND!!! WHOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!

Ok, now that I stepped off Cloud 9, HI EVERYONE!!!!

The kids are finally well! So far I’ve managed to stay well myself, awesome!! Things have been going great and the exercise is working out well. I’ve had to change my routine up a bit but I still to the same exercises, just at a different time of day!!

“I used to say, ‘I sure hope things will change.’ Then I learned that the only way things are going to change for me is when I change.” — Jim Rohn

Just a short note today!!

Love and blessings to all of you,

Elizabeth

Hello my Lovely Buddies!!

Sorry I haven’t been on in a while. All three of my kids had a stomach bug this past week. I thought it was from all the candy at Halloween, but then my four year old started throwing up and having diarrhea as well. He didn’t go out with the other two and ate little candy. He only got some from Preschool and what they didn’t want.

I haven’t been exercising, but with the smell and constant cleaning up after someone, I don’t want to eat. My kids health is more important than anything. The school was irritating me asking to speak to my doctor because of the H1N1 stupidity. No one in our elementary school has or had it and according to my doctor, it’s no worse than the flu. I know someone will disagree with me, but I believe it is more hype than fact. My doctor said that some of the shots for the H1N1 have not been thoroughly tested and she refuses to give them to her patients. I think that is a good stance for her to take. Anyway, enough of my soapbox.

The kids are doing fine now and eating more solid foods. My daughter (10) wants to go back to school badly. Her friends call and tell her about the goings on in the class. It puts a smile on my face to see her rant and rave with them like their a group of teenage girls. I can only imagine what it will be like when she is one!! LOL!!! 

My oldest (14) sits on our front porch with his friends and they do the same thing except it’s about girls and the goings on around the neighborhood since he is homeschooled. They seem to think all four of them own this town! Sometimes they tell him about their day at school and he he gets a good laugh. I’m hoping he will go to high school since the curriculum is going to get harder and I think he needs the help they can provide. Not that there aren’t plenty of good online courses, but he wants to go into drama and that’s a bit tough to teach online. I pulled him out in fourth grade so he knows what school is like.

I’ll stop babbling now. It’s just nice to have a place to go and vent, good or bad. I haven’t weighed in a while since it’s that time of the month. That really was so wonderful of it to start with my kids being sick. I don’t know about you, but I simply love the cramps!! LOL!! THEY SUCK!!

I need to get the kids ready for church. I usually drop them off about 9:30 so they can attend Sunday school and pick them up at noon after the Service. No, my husband and I do not attend church, but we don’t discourage our children from it. They made the decision to go and we’re OK with it. They take their little brother now and he like the Sunday school and nursery. We were very devout Catholics up until a few years ago. I don’t discuss it any more and I’m at ease with my decision. My husband and I follow a more nature based belief system and our kids are OK with it. They are aware of we do and we are aware of what they do. We just chose different paths.

I found this quote and since it’s Sunday and football season it seems to fit, plus it’s funny:

‘When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.’ - Anonymous
I have to admit when I was a kid I tried - didn’t work!!

Hugs and love to all my buddies!! Have a great and wonderful day!!

My ankle is much better today. I knew resting it would be much better than pushing it.

I just did my exercise ball and some Pilates. As I was doing the workout, I realized how unfit I am and it makes me feel so stupid for letting myself turn into this person. Yes, I do have a long list of exercises, but it seems I can barely do any of them and that irritates me to no end!! I have to modify every exercise I do! I guess I’m just going through a phase right now. I think it may be PMS. I got on the scale yesterday for my weekly weigh and it was two pounds exactly to the ounce. Also I looked at my calendar and it should be any day now!! I never realized what was happening to me until this past year. I now realize that’s what made college so hard in the early 90’s. I could never make it because I would get so depressed and drop classes or the semester, only to feel better a few days after I started. But by then the damage was done. I started working and hated it because the job sucked!! Two years later I met the most wonderful man in the world when I decided to give school one more chance. I started the Art Institute of Houston (I miss my hometown) on August of ‘92. We met in August of ‘93 and were married in April of ‘94 and going strong today!! Actually, I think it’s better now!!

Anyway, I just feel so blah today and trying to fight the feeling to eat everything in sight is HARD!! At least I have somewhere to put my feelings now and not have them bottled up inside. Maybe that’s why I had such a hard time before. Hubby will sit on the couch and listen to all my ranting and raving, sometimes crying. He never makes excuses to do something else. He’s a gem!!

Thank goodness I don’t have any candy or soda in the house. I might eat them all. Soda was my biggest weakness. I hardly ate much, but I drank my calories. I sometimes drank two 2-liter bottles a day of Dr. Pepper. It was easier to drink than to prepare food. But it was even easier to go through the drive-thru. Burger King was my weakness and sometimes I would order two “King-Sized” meals and eat them in my car so no one could see me. I haven’t had a soda in two months and the cravings were hard in the beginning and today they are BAD!! Oh, did I mention the headache that lasted for almost a week?!?!?! That sucked!! Another problem is my husband co-owns a Coney Island with his buddy and that is hard when I surprise him sometimes during the day.

Well it seemed I had a little rant and rave session and now it’s over. I feel bit better and should make it through the day. Please send me good vibes today so I don’t break down. I know I said I never deny myself, but an alcoholic can’t have one drink and be OK. That’s how I am with soda, It’s all or nothing and I prefer nothing.

Hugs to all of you!!

Yesterday evening, I was wearing heels and two of my three cats decided it was time to play chase!! Needless to say one of them ran into my right ankle  and it twisted. Thank goodness I didn’t fall, but fell against my bed. So today I’m on the couch with a swollen ankle and a bag of ice watching my Star Trek: Enterprise DVDs. My son is happy because I gave him the day off from home schooling, but he now has to have a half day Saturday with dad or an extra hour each day next week. He chose next week.